Brooke Hogan recently sat down with the Associated Press to pimp her new show, Brooke Knows Best (the laughably titled show starts Sunday at 10 p.m. on VH1), and she spilled all sorts of beans about being on TV and her infamous Tampa Bay fam.
Anyone who watched Hogan Knows Best a) has way too much time on their hands and b) could see that the Hogans seemed happy enough.
They weren’t - as soon as the show finished Hulk Hogan and Linda Hogan got divorced and took up with insanely young new partners, Nick Hogan wrapped his car around a tree and went to jail and Brooke Hogan… well that chin of hers isn’t looking any less weird, is it?
So what’s going on? Maybe we’ll never know - after all, the Hogans have sold themselves out to the media before and it’s ended in tears, so the sensible thing to do would be to close ranks and figure out their problems in private. Or, if you’re Brooke Hogan, you’ll just go on Access Hollywood and yammer on about it for ages instead. Which is much more fun. Thanks Brooke!
Looking at the Hogan family, it’s remarkable that they stayed together this long. One parent is a veiny, abnormally large brute with bad hair and skin the colour of a bruised testicle who runs around in tiny red knickers for a living, and the other one is Hulk Hogan.
It couldn’t last, and it didn’t. Linda Hogan filed for divorce from Hulk Hogan right after the family’s reality TV show Hogan Knows Best stumbled to a conclusion, claiming that the marriage was ‘irretrievably broken’ - which we think is code for ‘my husband just beat me in an arm wrestle for the first time ever and it’s affected my sense of self-worth’.
Meanwhile, son Nick Hogan crashed his car so badly that his passenger will remain in constant care for the rest of his life, and he’s ended up doing solitary in jail for it. It’s not a perfect state of affairs by any means, and you get the feeling that if the family ever made another reality TV show it’d probably be called something like Look At This Awful Bunch Of Clueless Dickheads.
But, anyway, what about Brooke Hogan? Now that her brother’s in jail, she’s left all by herself - torn between a father who had it off with one of her friends and a mother that’s currently having it off with a boy she used to go to school with.
What would you do in Brooke Hogan’s situation? Go on Access Hollywood and spout off about all your family’s darkest problems in front of an audience of millions for no constructive reason whatsoever? Good, because that’s what Brooke Hogan chose to do as well. MSNBC quotes Brooke:
“I don’t know it’s — it’s been pretty nuts… I have to admit I did have a little bit of a breakdown one time about that ‘cause my brother and I are inseparable… I do feel like if someone can see me slip up, you know, they would love it because it would complete the family craziness.”
Good for Brooke Hogan, we say. She’s seen the damage that a reality TV show can do to people and - regardless of how stupidly the rest of her family has decided to act in public in the wake of Hogan Knows Best - she’s determined to live the rest of her life with as much dignity as possible, keen never to repeat the past mistakes made by herself and those around her.
Congratulations, Brooke! We have nothing but respect for you!
Brooke Hogan’s new reality TV show Brooke Knows Best debuts on VH1 this Sunday. We’re not making this up. Christ, what a hopeless jizzpot that girl is.
